The whole notion of “finding happiness” or being in the “pursuit of happiness” is flawed. Happy people do not go on a search for happiness and one day discover something or someone that brings them the happy life they’ve been looking for. That’s not how it works.
Here’s what does work – choosing to be happy everyday. There will always be challenges and ups and downs on a daily basis. Sometimes we convince ourselves that we’ll be happy when we finally get the job we want, the partner we fantasize over, have the income we desire, or buy the house or car we want. Then we’ll be happy. What I’ve learned is that the people who are happy have come to know themselves better and they understand that their happiness is an inside job. The only thing your happiness hinges on is you deciding you will be happy now, because happiness is internal. But…there are some things that you can do to grow your happiness.
5 Actions for Creating Happiness
Start small. Creating happiness is a journey, and it requires taking small steps every single day that will continually expand your level of happy. Here are some ideas to get you started:
- Practice gratitude daily – If I had to narrow the list down to just one thing that can create happiness all on its own, it would be practicing gratitude. There is always something to be grateful for if you look hard enough. We often have the habit of focusing on the things we aren’t satisfied with, and when we do, that thing can grow in our minds and become an overwhelming source of unhappiness. Conversely, when we zero in on small things, like a child’s smile, or a cozy pair of slippers, or whatever we DO have to feel good about, our level of happiness can expand. Try this: make a list of things you have in your life to be grateful for. Read your list everyday and challenge yourself to add at least one thing a day to expand your gratitude.
- Seek positive people – There is no doubt that the people we spend time with have influence over us. They have an impact on our thoughts, our emotions, and our actions. If you spend a good portion of your time with people who have a negative attitude and do nothing but complain about their life, criticize others, and compare themselves to people who appear to do better in life, chances are high that you will also engage in this type of activity too. BUT, if you seek to engage with positive people that look on the brighter side most often, you too will become more positive and happy. Position yourself to be happy by surrounding yourself with people who are happy, grateful, kind, and live an intentionally happy life.
- Pursue your passion – A study began in 1938 and has lasted more than 85 years which follows individuals throughout their entire lives to uncover what creates happiness for them. Dr. Robert Waldinger, professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, reveals in his book ‘The Good Life’ the findings of this study. Interestingly…money, fame, and material things are not among the measures of happiness in the lives of the study participants. One of the factors attributing to the greatest levels of happiness, according to this study, is doing work that is meaningful. In other words, if you want to be happy, do something that matters to you. And if you really want to ensure that it boosts your level of happiness a few notches…make it something that makes a contribution to others too!
- Love yourself – If self-love and acceptance are new to you, be prepared…it takes work. Here’s what I have learned that might help you too. Getting to know yourself is the key to loving yourself. Once you’re clear on what matters to you, you can make decisions that align with these values – this brings you to a place where you feel a sense of congruency with who you are and what you do. When I began to realize that I needed to leave my marriage, I felt incredibly lost. I’d lost touch with who I was and what I valued, and because of that, my actions fell out of alignment with the person that I wanted to be. It created a negative self-image in my mind, and I felt like I was not enough in so many areas of my life. I knew that I needed fix it…so I spent some time thinking about the things that really mattered to me, why they mattered, and how I could make decisions based on these values. I got to know and accept myself. Because of this, I’m now a more confident decision-maker, I have a more positive self-image, and I know that I am enough! This is how I’ve arrived at a better place in terms of loving myself. It’s a continual work-in-progress, and it all started by getting to know myself better.
- Let go of what doesn’t serve you – As we go through challenges in life, we grow and we change. We literally become a different version of who we used to be. Think about it…since high school you’ve gone through a lot, right? Would you say you are the same as you were then? Probably not. As you’ve lived your life and encountered challenges, you’ve grown as a person. You’ve changed in many ways. And as we change, our needs and wants change. But sometimes we hold onto certain things too long based on a former version of ourselves, and they just aren’t serving us the way that we need them to anymore. When I was in university, one of the things that I used to do when I felt down was shop. If I wasn’t feeling like I looked good I’d go buy a new outfit that made me feel better. Over time, the novelty of the new outfit wore off, but the void remained…usually around about the same time as the credit card bill arrived! It took some time for me to realize that buying new clothes didn’t help me feel better about myself. I thought that the clothes would make others like me more, and then maybe I’d like me more. This maladaptive coping strategy provided a temporary fix…but I needed to let go of this habit, because it wasn’t serving me in more ways than just one. So instead, I tried working on the internal stuff. Over the years, there have been other habits, things, places, and sometimes people, that I realized I needed to let go of. (note: divorce is really great for learning how to let go of material things!) After reflecting on how releasing the things that don’t serve me has impacted my life, it’s always been for the better…even when it was a hard decision to make.
The work is real. It’s not always easy…but it is so worthwhile for sure. That feeling of internal peace…that’s the true measure of happiness.
It’s time to create the happiness you’ve been seeking!
xo Chelsey
